There a mess of black inside me. I imagine it to be like the dust bunny from Totoro. Sometimes it gets  a little too overwhelming and I don't feel good. No reason in particular. It's just there. I wish I could be back to the old days.

I think my point was conveyed across, but whether it was accepted, I don't know.

I think I need a day off. Fully.

It's backkkk. And it seems like it's here to stay for a while...

Have been feeling out of sorts the past week or so, like I'm not entirely there and my head is foggy and stuff. It's the same feeling I had back in Sec 4 days sigh. My senses seem to be less sensitive especially my sense of touch and my arms feel weak. I couldn't even close my pen cap properly today lol. And it doesn't seem to be going away even with sleep.

I really hate this feeling cuz it just makes me feel more lethargic than I already am and simply feel weak. Shall go for a run tomorrow morning and see if it will make me feel better.

I tried googling for these symptoms and the closest I could get was something called Depersonalization disorder. But the symptoms that were described seemed a little more serious than what I experience so idk.

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If you don't wish to do some things, but by not doing so it kinda makes you selfish and unkind, how do you strike that balance between the two? So damn conflicted and stifling. If only I could just run away from it in the mean time but no, I'm not allowed to.

There are days when I get reminded of the people who I will be willing to do anything for....and today is such day.

Down and down down down down down

This girl is cool! How does she sing such high notes so effortlessly omg. The song is nice too. It's by a chinese band called 逃跑计划 and apparently their songs sound quite western. I saw some comments on YT about how their songs sound very similar to Coldplay haha hmmm China copying once again? :P Nonetheless a nice song is still a nice song.

Maybe this was a huge mistake right from the start. FREAKING HELL. I hate this. I'm a horrible person. Terrible at making the correct decisions. DAMN IT.

It's another one of those nights where I can feel the darkness and negativity seeping out. Always full of self-doubt. It's time to chase them back into the corners of my mind and heart once again and fight them off in my sleep!

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Maintaining connection with people consistently is just so darn tiring. But it feels like once you don't stay connected, things progress too fast and poof! You reaalise you are unable to relate.

Speaking of which, I realised that my introvertedness reaches a high when too many people I know, but whom I am not close to, are present. That day when my relatives came over on National Day for a gathering, I really just didn't feel like catching up with any of them at all and I just sat at a side playing with Ruby. It was just way too noisy and crowded for my liking ugh. And interestingly, I had rather talked to my aunt or uncle than my cousins who are of closer age to me. Idk, maybe it's just cuz we are not close.