Warning: Sensitive topic ahead. Please respect my thoughts thanks.

I have not talked much about this topic even though it was the topic of most conversations the past week. Why? It's not that I do not respect Mr LKY, but I feel that this is a little too sensitive topic to talk about. Politics. Having two extremely contrasting political viewpoints can easily cause conflict between friends. Even though people these days are considerably more open-minded towards political debates, I feel that people are still not ready to fully accept a viewpoint that opposes theirs, whether or not they are pro or anti-government. This is just how sensitive this topic is. That's why I think it's very hard for a couple with differing political views to live together.

Posting on FB, changing my profile picture, dedicating an instagram post to Mr Lee, going down to the parliament house to pay respect to him.... I didn't do a single of those. (Except going down to Tanjong Pagar tribute site yesterday but that was because of SHG.) It's just not me to do such things. If anything, respect first comes from the heart. Of course I know that there are many people who genuinely feel sad over his death and are really sincere in paying respect to him, but I don't like how some (maybe just the minority) people are simply joining the crowd and crying devastatingly over his death when they probably didn't do a single shit even when he was ill all the while. While watching the state funeral process on TV, people started cheering lky's name when the cortege (?) passed by. You. Have. No. Idea. How. Baffled. I. Was. Idk man, it just felt so weird. I felt that it was being disrespectful, even though the people didn't mean it. I feel that a funeral should be something solemn and not meant to be something noisy, even if it is a state funeral.

I admit I'm not exactly a very patriotic person, neither is my family, but I do respect him for what he has done. It's not a simple thing to build up SG to where we are today from practically nothing. It's not something that any random person you find on the streets (or even any random law student from the University of Cambridge) can accomplish in their life. To those haters, please shut up unless you can achieve as much as him. I'm not saying that everything he did is right, but like what he himself said, he did what he thought was right at that point in time.

R.I.P.

This is how time should be spent

A chaota but super fulfilling day. Spent precious time with three different groups of people today.

Went to Botanic Gardens with my parents and Ruby this morning for a walk. Was initially hesitating but I decided to just heck it and go. Ruby hasn't been out for quite some time so she was really excited haha. She went out with her diapers on LOL so my mum made her wear this ballerina costume out hahaha embarrassing much. We only walked for about an hour, but we got to see many dogs and this shameless (and desperate) Ruby went to approach all of them even though one to two of them didn't even bother looking at her lol.

Afterwards went home after brunch, bathed and did a little math before leaving home for shg. Kim kim really is quite smart I got to say. I hope I'll be able to help her excel further. And she's really cute haha. Went to 49 seats for dinner with zq, Joyce and Nat. Got to talk a bit with Jazell before leaving to meet the Saxes lol.

It was a rather short catch-up, considering how I couldn't join them for dinner and most people had to get back home to do work. It nevertheless still felt good just chilling and hobo-ing with them in front of Burberry haha. Oh we were missing Cass who's at a friend's farewell party and Chester who's stuck in camp lol. I feel so touched by how we made time specially for this short meetup even though some of us like Ivory and Yuxin are just so busy. Although we may not have talked much, just the presence of you guys there felt comforting. :) Love all of you <3 Eww this one of the rare times I'm being mushy hahaha but I really mean it.

Fight on guys. Even though most of us are far apart physically - some in camps, some in pulau ntu, one in hapz smu, one in btc, one in kent ridge and one at home gaming - let's do our best together. ^^

Ahh. I have been sleeping quite late the past few nights. All of a sudden all the rubbish comes flowing in together. But instead of feeling drained, somehow or rather I feel more driven instead, which is a very good thing haha. I'm still lagging behind for Math, and a little for MLE, because I kept procrastinating during e-learning week lol. No one else to blame except for myself. Also because I was kinda not in the right state of mind then. BUT that's all over. Whoohoo. Right now I feel quite invincible LOL how rare is this?! It doesn't matter how much I'm lagging behind for studies, I feel like I will just overcome it. Oh yeah, I should maintain this state of mind and self-confidence, at least till ES presentation is over haha.

I realised my energy is not reflected in the above paragraph HAHA. It seems rather monotonous because of all the full-stops. Oh well, I'm just tired haha. I cannot live properly with little sleep ><

Anyway, I've been thinking about what CCAs/classes I want to join for next semester and the few things I have thought of are: nusso, nusco (should I even be considering it lol), yoga/pilates (although I'll probably just kill the inflexible me), electric guitar/drums, cello. That's all for now. I really miss playing in a band though :( Miss those days when we performed together (as SilverSparks hahaha)/with guzheng peeps. Haha yea you didn't see wrong. Guzheng. The kind of band I'm referring to may not be the image you have in your mind, the typical rock band kind. While I really like rock and if given the time and money I would want to play in a rock band (hahaha even I myself cannot imagine), I don't think it's gonna work out. Money and time is an issue, plus I don't know much people around me who would be interested in such a thing. So yeah, I'm also cool with playing in a random band as long as I can play my cello haha. Then again, I need to go practice first >< Oh well. Why am I saying as though this will happen.

Sigh. What am I doing in chem engin haha.

What in the world

Recently I have started to play the piano again after not touching it in months lol. Slowly finding the musical feels once again. If only I had such feels when I was younger I probably would have been able to better master it.

Ah but my pinky is rather stiff while playing haha. As in it tends to be unbended :p

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Stop. Stop it. Stop focusing on the bad points. We need a little more empathy. I hate conflicts ughhh.

'Super Fantastic' - 페퍼톤스(Peppertones)

Hooooh. Finally remembered the name of the artist for this song haha. First heard of this song last Sunday at the Impresario concert, it was performed by one of the bands. It's just so lively and catchy :D



I hope your day (or night) brightens up after listening to this song, especially those who are not in the best of moods recently~

Destiny of Love (Live) - Yiruma

Shuai! <3

Humans and our fucking self-esteem. We think we know people well. We judge. We make assumptions. We neglect people's feelings. Unless you really know a person inside out, which I believe is simply impossible to know someone fully, maybe we should just keep our mouths shut before we hear the story from the person concerned.

Lesson learnt today. I need constant reminders like this in my life.

P.s. Sorry for the vulgarity. I just felt very disappointed in myself.

Have a great week ahead guys haha! Just trying to make this post seem less emo cuz I'm really not emo :)

Went to watch Impresario '15 tonight with Cass, Kaining and Yik to support Xiaomin our queen! <3 Was glad I decided to go for it in the end even though I hesitated at first. I didn't know it's the grand finals haha! Well done xiaomin congrats (I just started typing this when she whatsapped us the results so this is news fresh off the oven hahaha) for getting second runner-up!! You looked damn cool on stage hehe you looked like you wanted to fight each other when you 对唱 with your partner HAHAHA. You've come a long way and have improved much, so proud of you ^^ I have always respected you for chasing after your dreams so damn bravely. Continue working hard towards your dreams we will always support you WHOOHOO Heng Xiao Min's fan here~ HAHAHA.

Anyway, there was this performance by the NTU jazz and blues under the 'band' category. I really didn't expect to hear a jazz band since all the other bands were the typical rock bands. This jazz band used the usual drums and electric guitars just like any other band. And they were AWESOME. Serious. The guitar was FREAKING GOOD. Damn beautiful. Well played dude. That's precisely why I like the sound of electric guitars. If I had to choose the most memorable performance of the night, I would say it's this performance. (Wheres my advertising fees huh ntu jazz and blues club?) The vocalist was also good. Her voice totally suited jazz and she went up stage barefooted lolz.

It was a night well spent, despite having my butt almost rot from sitting down 3 hours straight before the intermission. The concert was too long though. Xiaomin's performance was at around 10 and they still had the dance category and announcing of the results. Yep so we left earlier after snapping a photo with the queen hahaha.

That's all. Oh and thanks for the gift guys! Now I have another furry friend to join me in bed ;) HAHAHA.

Random late night confession: I love you all ma dear friends <3

Went for my second shg session for this year yesterday. The student that I was allocated to this year is supposedly one of the best students we have haha and according to our coordinator Marcus he even had to write a report for the centre to accept her in, simply because her results are 'too good' for her to be here! By good I mean she scored 20/20 for her math CA1 and 16.5/20 for science. Do note that we're talking about supposedly weak students here. Yep what's even more amazing is that she turns out to be Farisa's sister! Hahaha. But she's more talkative than her sister, so it's easier on my side. Marcus said they intentionally allocated her to me, cuz I requested for them not to give me a P6 kid since I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to commit going down every week. Yep so Kim Kim (that's her name haha cute right) is P4 this year and there's nothing much to worry about for her studies, just trying to get her to do even better. Let's do this!

Beginning of a new decade

Since today is my birthday, I have a request to make for you who are reading this - I would like to know what is one strength and one weakness of mine based on your opinion of me.

Hahaha does this sound lame? I just want to know about areas that I can improve on, but I decided to add in the strengths as well so that I'll not feel too depressed by all the weaknesses XD Since today marks the start of my twenties, I thought that it's time to seek some changes to become a better person like I mentioned in the previous post.

I have always disliked the idea of change. Change means that you can no longer be protected by that sense of familiarity you had and you have to embrace unfamiliarity which oftentimes can be rather intimidating. But without change, you remain stagnant and there can be no improvement. This sounds like some urban development programme lol.

Yup so I want to bravely face my weaknesses and work on them. I do already know some of my weaknesses, but what I think of myself may not be what others think of me and what I portray myself to be, that's why I'm asking for your opinions haha.

You may remain anonymous if you want haha it's perfectly fine. You can either post on the tagboard, leave a comment under this post, whatsapp me or even better write me a letter hehe. Thanksss ^^

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Thank you for the well wishes everyone! And thanks for the surprise I really didn't see it coming haha. Thanks lynn the filial daughterfor organising it hahaha. Thank you all I'm touched. I shall push away all unhappy thoughts and be a brighter person for all of your sake. Then again, there's something I really need to settle, I know. I just need to find the time.

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Oh and I caught Kingsman today, it was GREATTTT like seriously. This has to be one of my favourite movies thus far. Just a quote from the movie: "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility is being superior to your former self." It may be hard to preach this in the world we live in, but I will keep this in mind.

It seems like most people are going through a tough period right now sigh. Soldier on, everyone!

Focus

Went to catch Focus with the outstanding group after having eighteenchefs for dinner tonight. I wouldn't say the movie was brilliant or novel, since it's definitely not the first time I have watched a movie on con artists, the comedy elements were quite good I would say haha. Oh I rarely feel bored halfway through a movie, but this time round I did. I guess the movie could have been cut short for a better pace and to create the suspense. It was still an enjoyable movie though!

Next movie: Kingsmen on Wednesday. Haha kn I shall see if it's really that good as you claimed :p

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The seas have calmed down. Things seem to have returned back to normal on the surface, but no. They can never return back to how they used to be or could have been. Once the damage has been done, it's done. I guess it's time to accept things as they are and move on. OH WELL. Is this how people live? Cuz ain't nobody got time for that?

I think I'm constituted 70% darkness/negativity deep inside of me. I've been trying to flip over this ratio (for the math geeks, it's like taking the reciprocal lol), but it seems like it isn't really working. This is part of my character. But you know what, I'm just gonna keep trying. Try and become a brighter (in terms of the brains too) person. Because why should I live my life like this? I know it's hard to change one's character, but no let's do something about it.

I have no idea how to do this though. Maybe I shall start with some self-help books. I have always been against self-help books because I don't really see the point, isn't life about figuring things out yourself? That's also why I usually don't approach people with my problems, I think I have mentioned this before. But perhaps I could try books for a change, to try out a new way and see if it works.

This seems a little random considering how it's way too late for new year resolutions, but better late than never right? So yea things I want to work on:

1) Stop self-doubting => gain confidence
2) Negate any negativity
3) Prioritise => Better time management => Make more time for people

Thank you to everyone who showed concerned over my supposedly emo posts the past week or so, I really appreciate it <3 I'm going to clear up my mind and become a better person. No one likes to be with a negative person right. I know how it feels to be with one even though I am one myself haha. I just need some time.

YAY. YAY. YAY. (Weak attempt at trying to be high LOL)

Lost all mood to study tonight after a bicker with my sis again. Lucky I have been rather productive in the day. Yep so I went to ensemble my toy poodle nanoblock. Not gonna do anymore work tonight so I'm just gonna go sleep.

To a better day tomorrow!

UK size 11

We're still trying to fit into that pair of shoe that is just one size too big.

Sigh I really dk why things turned out like this when it all still seemed good just two months ago. Idek when things started to change. All of a sudden you realise that people start to drift away, a whatsapp group that originally spams 100 over messages almost everyday has become so quiet... It could be because everyone is busy, or maybe because people don't bother trying anymore since the novelty(?) is lost?

I really dk. This world is too complicated for my small brain I'm sorry.

DAMN.

I feel like cursing right now. Full of angst now. Idk why.

No don't worry, it's definitely not because I'm stressed out for mid-terms. If only it was, then things would be much easier.

On a side note, why is it that nus peeps don't seem to have a proper 'recess' week? We spend our entire recess week preparing for the mid-terms that are on the following week, after which lectures and tutorials resume as per normal on that very same week. What. Okay at least for this semester there is e-learning week, but not for last semester.

I need my break. I want to go catch a movie. I want to go to the beach. I want to take a walk at night. I want to go shopping. I want to meet up with friends. I want to go for rollar coaster rides. I want to travel. I want to enjoy nature.

Look at all the wants.

Perhaps more importantly, I should start answering myself what exactly do I want in life, besides these small wants.

I have been having too many thoughts these days.

Y'know, I realised that as you become older you get touched over things more easily, because you know exactly how precious such an action or display of affection is.

I have something to admit - I cried over something last night. Okay, maybe not cry as in wailing kind of cry, but cry as in more-tears-than-the-usual-tearing kind of cry haha. It was because of this video I came across on fb (I shared it on my fb wall). This dog was crying so badly (in happiness) when one of the family members returned home after 2 years. It cried so badly till it passed out, for real. You can see it collapsing onto the ground for a few moments. Idk why this video affected me so much. It was just really touching somehow.

Why can't people be as direct in showing their affections? I'm guilty of this also of course. It's just...what's hindering us from doing so? Why can't we be as simple as dogs? Maybe you'd say that it's because humans have a greater ability to think. Yea that's why we complicate things so much. And I believe one's complicatedness often stems from one's self-centeredness. It's so annoying. If everyone in this world would be less complicated, there wouldn't be politics, wars, scams.... I know I'm being very idealistic here, but this is a hope I hold for this world.

Anyway back to dogs...haha. I love Ruby hehehe. She's getting cuter by the day. Probably because she's becoming more attached to us, hopefully.

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