I am typing this in a separate post because this post is meant to be dedicated to my grandma. For those who are unaware, she passed away peacefully last Tuesday night. (I'll try to keep this light-hearted though!)
This is not the first time someone has passed away in my extended family, but it's the first time someone I really loved has passed away. The feelings you experience is really different. Previously when my uncle passed away 3 years ago, I could still hold back my tears, but this time round I couldn't. There was just too much memories, too much feelings. But it could probably be because this time round it was rather unexpected, unlike my uncle who had been suffering from cancer.
According to the doctors, my grandma had suffered from an acute heart attack. It happened when my uncle was bringing her to the clinic that evening because she said she felt unwell, then she simply fainted there and was rushed to the hospital. When my cousin left a message on the whatsapp chat saying that my grandma had fainted and was being admitted to the hospital, I feel very guilty saying this but, I honestly didn't make a big deal out of it because it was not the first time she was being hospitalised. Previously she had been hospitalised also because she had fallen down two times I think. I simply thought that something similar had happened and that it was nothing too serious. So when I saw my mum's worried face when she heard about what had happened, I realised that I should have been more concerned about it. After all, she was already 85 and anything that happens to her should not been overlooked.
What happened afterwards went by in a flash, for real. From reaching the hospital, the doctor declaring her death, to the wake and her funeral (which I unfortunately was unable to attend due to my exam on that day), everything happened way too fast. Just like that, a part of my life has been changed. I have been going to my grandma's house every Saturday evening for dinner since primary school, more frequently in secondary school and even more so in JC after my uncle who was living with her passed away. I've just started becoming closer to my grandma in recent years because I didn't know how to interact with her in the past. Now my Saturday evenings are free and there's no longer a cute old granny to tell me to 'eat more' and to mix up my sis' name with mine.
I'm glad I made the decision to visit her the last Saturday before she left us. I could have continued staying in school to study (it was the day after the math paper) but I decided to lompang my parents' car to her house. My parents even brought my dog there haha and my grandma threw a tennis ball to play with her. I think it's really cute how my grandma kept all the toys she could find around the house that she wanted to use to play with my dog. She used to dislike my previous dog but she surprisingly likes Ruby haha. That's why we decided to bring Ruby along since we couldn't leave her alone at home when we're over at my grandma's place for her wake. Something I regretted was not spending more time with her when I went to visit her on a Sunday a few weeks back when my parents were overseas. I only spent about an hour at her house before leaving for my haircut and going back school to study... She talked about how her father was biased to her brothers and how she couldn't complete her secondary school education because he was unwilling to pay for her school fees and many other things. I suppose old people just want someone to listen to them talk. Even though I could have made an effort to stay longer, I'm still glad I decided to make the trip down that day. Honestly, I had the mindset that I should visit her while I still could because I didn't want to leave any regret when she passes away. I'm serious. Idk why I started thinking that way, but I didn't expect it to be so soon.
Nonetheless, I think it's good that she left us this way, instead of having to suffer with an illness.
That's why leave no room for regrets everyone. Love the people you love. Make time for them, make them happy.
And no worries guys, I'm all fine :)
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