Please let there be nothing wrong. Please.

Otherwise I wouldn't know how to deal with it.

Year 9s?!

I'm feeling so happy tonight ^^ MY HEART IS BURSTING WITH HAPPINESS I SWEAR.

I don't know if it's because I went back to Dunman today haha. Helped out for the year 3 orientation as a station master, was at the same station together with Chester, Leng Yuk and Si Zheng and a year 3 girl called Hui Ling who's part of the orientation committee. Had fun catching up with them especially when talking about how 4G had disappointed so many of our teachers like Ms Soh and Qiu laoshi hahaha. Those were really epic XD Talked a little to Hui Ling and it was surprisingly easy to talk to her despite us being 6 years apart! Maybe she's just more matured for her age.

And omg the sudden realisation that we were year 9s was shocking... We wouldn't even had met the year 3s before because they entered the year after we graduated :O

Nonetheless it felt really awesome being back in Dunman haha! Everything was just so nostalgic. I shouldn't have taken my days at dhs for granted :/  Even walking down the road to school felt so nostalgic so I was walking rather slowly hahaha. I was also reminded of the two or three times I bumped into someone when I walked out into the street from home and how that made my day HAHAHAHAHA. ;) ;)

Ahhh I really miss spending days with Dunmanians... T-T

Oh boy. I just realised that I shouldn't have started the year with my previous post haha. But wellz I have never really seen the point of making a big hooha over the new year since time is continuous; the start of a new year doesn't signify anything special. You don't have to wait till the new year to start making changes/resolutions, that's just an excuse.

Still, I guess I got excited by the fireworks from the new year coundown that I started spamming people with new year greetings XD

ANYWAYS, to the main point.... (This took me 5 seconds to recall LOL) This semester I've decided to make some changes to my activities out of school. For one, I decided to reduce my partipation in cdac because I don't really think it has been effective and, to my second point, I want to do something new and different. Ah but it turns out that it's also not something very new haha. Feeling excited to be playing once again hehe I hope it turns out well! I hope that doing something I like can help to straighten my thoughts out a little and keep my mind sane during the semester. I have so many things I want to do but I can only limit myself to one thing per school term because I really need to buck up in my studies :/

For now, it's time to treasure the last week of the holidays before another horrifying semester!

-
It's really very easy to simply blame someone for their shortcomings and neglect the mistakes that you yourself have made.

I'm so damn confused about human relationships ugh.

A slightly different boxing day

Yesterday my mum, sis and I (my dad had work) helped out as a volunteer for an outing that my mum's friend had planned. We brought 20 Thye Hua Kwan residents out to Botanic Gardens and gbtb.

It's our second time meeting the residents, the first time was about two or three years back, and because there were many new residents, I only recognised a few of them. But I'm glad that I felt more comfortable interacting with them this time round. Previously, I guess I didn't really know how to talk to them? Especially since most of them are older than me, yet we're supposed to treat them like kids or someone of the same age. But through yesterday's outing, I realised that the way they behave  (for most of them at least) was really just like how another other kid would have behaved. I just had to have an open heart, which I think I did achieve because I felt very happy interacting with them. I could feel my heart smiling... Hahaha okay I'm being dramatic, but I really did feel something in my heart.

It was a tiring day, but definitely a day well spent.

I really respect this friend of my mum. The entire outing had been planned and sponsored by her family and her and they have been doing such things for many years. And no, she's not a housewife who has a lot of spare time on her hands. She conducts IT courses and has to take care of her husband who was diagnosed with an illness some time back. But she still makes time to plan and coordinate activities for the less fortunate. You know how people say that you can either 出力 to help someone and for the rich but busy people they can 出钱? It's easy to just stick to the latter if you're rich, but she's doing both of it. If this doesn't deserve respect that I don't know what does.

Merry Xmas!

....but nothing's all that merry.

Everything hasn't been going well. Not at all.

Tell me something that I'm doing well in. I can't think of any.

Full of negative thoughts these few days, thoughts that I have been trying to suppress back into my mind, but it seems that it's not helping and it probably is making it even worse.

Am I even in the right place? It's not like I don't put in the effort. Sure, I don't deserve an A but not these grades either.

It doesn't even help that my mum doesn't seem to find it an issue. When I told her my results, she simply said, "So, what to do? Work harder next time." Wtf. I mean she has never scolded me for bad grades (except once in P5 I think) and for that I'm thankful and I'm not faulting her for what she said, it's just that do I continue on doing what I've been doing despite it obviously not working out? Sometimes working hard is not everything. Especially not if it's for something that I do not entirely like and cannot imagine myself doing for the next couple of years. Y'know. But what else can I do.

Ahh fuck this shit man.

Santa, this is the first time I'm requesting for a Christmas gift. A gift that can enlighten me. Please. Thank you. See you tonight.

Merry Christmas pepo!

End of Y2S1. How much have I grown? 0cm. I'm still 163cm.

I guess it's time for a post to sum up Y2S1.

The past semester had been...full of self-doubt and attempts to figure out what it is that I really want to do in this life. The more core modules I study, the less I can imagine myself doing what I am doing right now for the next few years when I start working. Maybe it's because I don't exactly know how the workplace is like and the exact requirements of the job scope.

But anyway, I have been torn between two possible pathways - one which is contained within my heart, while the other is in my head. At times like these, I usually follow my heart, but in this case there are a few things to consider and they not only involve myself. When I ask myself what I would want to do if I were to only have a few days to live (yes, drama much, but well, because of the few people I have heard who recently found out that they have stage four cancer, anything is possible man you never know), clearly I will follow my heart. So, is that the answer?

Y'know, sometimes I don't know if those supposedly 'motivational' quotes you see on social media are really motivational in nature. I feel like they often simply cause confusion and unrealistic thinking. (That's my practical side showing up...) I guess life isn't that simple huh, it's not all just about practicality. Greedy people like me want more. I want to achieve my own definition of success. I want more to life. Hah. But what more should I expect if I'm not even able to support myself yet. I could take it one step at a time, but no, I'm greedy; I want to achieve them all together. Thanks man, motivational quotes :/

I'll leave this here for now, since I've not found an answer yet. I'm hoping to get an answer by the end of this holidays.

Okay, now about the modules I took this semester.

Core modules first, well since they are....core modules. Thermo and fluid mech were horrendous LOL. I'm seriously just hoping for the best. I was glad though that some things that we learnt were kinda more relatable to in real life, like learning about engines and turbines, and about boundary layers (tbh I was quite intrigued by the video Prof Chen showed us haha I didn't know boundary layers existed :x). For the first half of the semester, thermo was more manageable than fluid mech but when the prof changed to dear Kyle Phua in the second half, thermo became bad, bad and just BAD. I can't fully blame him because he's a new prof so his notes are unstructured and he gives unclear explanation, but it's just very sian :( Oh wellz MOVING ON.........

.....to the two best modules for this sem ^^ Social work and science of music~ Both are electives haha. I'm kinda glad that I didn't manage to take the Psych module haha because otherwise I would not have taken social work. I feel that many things I learnt in social work can be applied in my life even if I am not a social worker. Y'know, when I tell people that I'm taking either social work or science of music, I really hate it when some people think I'm taking them because they are supposedly easy modules. Dude. I took them out of interest all right. Please do not take social work if you only want to score an A. There's a reason why it's called social work. People out there who require help don't care if you can study and score well, they just need someone who sincerely want to help them. (Oh but anyway, I don't think it will be easy for one to do well if one is not interested in the subject at all, the prof can probably tell from your writings lol.) For SOM, I know many people take the module with the motive of scoring an easy A, and yes I don't deny that it is an easy module especially if you have musical background and exams are a breeze if you have the past year papers (many questions are recycled lol just a little different), but there are many interesting things covered during lecture that are not tested. I'm not against people who take modules for an easy A because I understand and would do so also (I must be interested in the module first though), but it's sad that this is the result of our 'education' system. And I realised I didn't talk about the modules hahaha :P

Um the last module I took is accounting, which was just mehhhhhh haha. The first half of it was still okay, but when Ma Guang (yea, Horse Light XD) started going through bonds and whatnot, oh no man nononononono. One of the worst electives to take lol. Super thankful for having Jason in our project group because he's the one who had been pushing us to do work, consulting the tutor and beautifying the report haha. We actually finished it about a week before the deadline and eventually we did well for the project ;)

Lastly, I wanna thank the group of people I had been studying with right before the exams. I couldn't really help you all much because I usually wouldn't know also how to answer LOL. I feel like a burden when I ask questions as usual haiz but yea studying with them really made me feel more motivated to study. Regardless of whether or not I end up going into the chemical engineering field, I'm thankful for being in the same course as so many hardworking, humble and helpful people. I learnt a lot from them, not just academically but also in the way to treat people and your friends.

I think I'm gonna step out of my cave next semester hahaha staying at home so much isn't good I guess hehe :P