Maybe this was a huge mistake right from the start. FREAKING HELL. I hate this. I'm a horrible person. Terrible at making the correct decisions. DAMN IT.

It's another one of those nights where I can feel the darkness and negativity seeping out. Always full of self-doubt. It's time to chase them back into the corners of my mind and heart once again and fight them off in my sleep!

-
Maintaining connection with people consistently is just so darn tiring. But it feels like once you don't stay connected, things progress too fast and poof! You reaalise you are unable to relate.

Speaking of which, I realised that my introvertedness reaches a high when too many people I know, but whom I am not close to, are present. That day when my relatives came over on National Day for a gathering, I really just didn't feel like catching up with any of them at all and I just sat at a side playing with Ruby. It was just way too noisy and crowded for my liking ugh. And interestingly, I had rather talked to my aunt or uncle than my cousins who are of closer age to me. Idk, maybe it's just cuz we are not close.

There's so much I want to say, but it's not the time to say. I know the importance of talking things through, but I don't know how to put it across.

There's a reason for why I'm behaving the way I am.

Fuck it. Let me just stay in Korea forever. (But I miss my family...)

Is this the cause of the pulsating pain in my head?

“I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me, and I don’t know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip."

Just a quote from American Psycho because I was just talking to Michelle about it earlier this evening. Although the show is super gruesome and psychotic (well, yeah, as you could have guessed from its title), it's still a really good movie. It kinda brings you into the life of a psychotic killer; the thoughts inside their minds, the difficulties they face to fit into society and possibly the misery that they go through.

Keira Knightley - A Step You Can't Take Back

I think the soundtracks of this movie are really nice! Don't remember watching this movie before so I will probably watch this some time soon! :)

Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees

Radiohead - High & Dry