These days I really feel like I'm going crazy. The stress is building up like mad and I don't know where I can vent it all out. Doesn't help at all that I have an eccentric, selfish, terrible boss who doesn't seem to empathise with my plight, she only thinks about herself. Can't wait till end of Dec and I don't have to bear with her again. BEGONE WITCH.

Craziest sem thus far. Barely surviving.

In need of some emotional respite.

To my friends who are in the same boat, or even worse...stay strong!!

In need of some good music amidst the stressful week to come.

Feeling the lack of positivity recently. Sometimes I think I'm quite a boring person haha so I'm thankful for friends who jio me out. I may not always feel like going out, but it's precisely at such times that I should just head out and not drown in my own depressing state.

Time to push myself a little more. Let's do it! 💪

I think I feel happier these days. Like genuinely happy. Is it because I am at peace? I think I'm slowly figuring out more things about the way I want to live my life. It's good. Having a direction is so important. Just a general direction for now though, still restricted by pragmatic considerations, but I'm just gonna go with the flow~

Suddenly feeling the uncertainty in life. So many questions. So many doubts. What exactly is right or wrong.

I have never really dreaded the working life, but after hearing things from different people and experiencing some things during internship, I'm starting to feel the apprehension. Most people seem to be rather negative towards work life lol.

Why can't the world just be a kinder place to live and work in...

Anw just to end off with a quote from Wonder Woman which I just watched 3 days back (yes I know, that's late). The words just struck a chord somehow.

"It's not about deserve. It's about what you believe."

I think it's been a long time since my happiness streak lasted so long. Despite slowly feeling the sadness as next Friday approaches, which signals the end of my internship, I think I have been blessed over the many weeks. Life is currently so much better than during a regular school term lol. Probably depends on your internship also la but yeah I have been lucky.

Then again, I don't know if I'm being too overly-attached to the people and the workplace. It's probably too common for them to see people come and go. Oh wells. At least there are the memories. 

Was discussing about some politics at work with the fellow interns over dinner today. I still stand by my notion that usually the person who always talks badly about some other person in the company is often not any better himself. Especially not when he shares such things with interns. Really makes me doubt the intentions of him doing so. And it's sad how easily influenced the interns can be since they have never really interacted with the person of topic and they tend to listen to whatever they're told by the superiors.

Never fully believe what you hear until you verify it on your own...

ONE OK ROCK 『We are ～18Fes Jap ver.～』

This is just crazy :O

Arghhh did I just make a wrong move again... 😧

Honestly speaking, idk why my r/s with my sis is the way it is now. Looking back at our childhood photos, we seemed to have had so much fun tgt. Now we don't even say much to each other, don't even mention hanging out and chilling tgt. I might sound petty saying this, but, she didn't even wish me for my birthday. Isn't it the very basic to just wish someone? It's almost like we're strangers living under the same roof...what on earth. Abt 1.5 months ago on her birthday, I admit I did feel hesitant to actually wish her happy birthday (idk why I felt this way too), but I still did in the end. She didn't join us for lunch today, because of her work so its understandable, but I don't think she even tried to have a meal together or something. I feel like I'm being a kid here now but this lack of interaction/kinship or whatever you call it just sucks.

Ok i just needed to rant a little.

ARGH what a disruption to my otherwise peaceful life :/ wtheck man

Today is another feel good day :) I hope the day never ends haha. But nah tomorrow shall be another feel good day. And the day after tomorrow. And the following day. And the follwing day after the following day... Everyday! 😀

Hehhh I'm currently listening to some old anime songs on Spotify haha. Random much but all the anime feels are backkkkk. Snippets of the opening/closing scenes of the anime just flash by haha how nostalgic. I watched the most anime when I was in upper primary I think? That's at least 10 years ago haha wow...but it really was a large part of my childhood.

I have been so exhausted for the past few days, probably mainly because I lose out on the sleep I usually get on the car. My dad is letting me drive to work so that I can practice my driving. So yeah I will drive from Tampines, drop by NUS where my mum alights, then head towards my office. Once I reach my office, my dad takes back the driver's seat and drives to his office. Haha that's how the arrangement is like in the morning. But considering how energy draining it is for me to drive to work, I'm thinking of letting my dad drive instead hahahaha. Ok la maybe I will drive on some days only, not every morning. Otherwise it's also tiring for him to drive everyday...

Ciaos. Time to sleep lol.

In a rather good mood now ^^ It's such a rare ocassion that I'm texting so much at a go.

I guess I'm just feeling excited after my first day of internship.

Batch production, agglomeration, heating, cooling, drying, fluidization. Some of the key terms relevant to chemical engineering in the manufacturing process. However, the department I'm in doesn't deal that much with engineering related issues, but more of quality and regulatory (i.e. compliance) matters. Even so, I'm not disappointed with my job scope or anything, because it's all about learning and I still get exposed to the engineering side of the process (and I already knew what I was applying for). I think this is an appropriate position to begin at to go into the food industry.

Err I actually dk what else I want to write hahaha and I need to sleep soon. My dad's car is still at the workshop for repair (for almost a month can you believe it) so we have to take public transport down to the far west to the far east early in the morning :'(

😃

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Happy new year.

Ushered in the new year in the comfort of my home. Nothing special and exciting like last year's countdown with the girls at the Flyer, but it still marks the start of a new year nonetheless.

I never really understood the big deal about a new year and why people make new year resolutions. The minute hand of the clock moves away from the 59-minute mark when the time reaches 00:00 every single day of our life, what makes it any more significant on this one day out of the 365 days? There's no magical, glittery, fairytale-like effect when the new year begins.

That being said, I guess a 'new start' gives one the hope (or excuse, whichever you think is more appropriate) and motivation to start working on the areas that one is lacking. Besides, the idea of coming up with 'new year resolutions' forces one to properly reflect on life thus far and carefully think about how to proceed on in life.

Since the day I met up with XM and Nic about two weeks ago, I have been thinking more about my direction in life. Well, I have actually always been pondering over it, just that I never end up with a clear conclusion. But yeah, hearing about XM's life plans made me doubt myself a little. Have I been too small-minded with regards how I would want my future to be like? When I heard xm share her life plans, my initial response to it was 'wow', even though I didn't voice it out haha. I have always been amazed at her courage to pursue her dreams, but this also prompted me to think...

Why is it that such a plan never occurred to me before? All along I have been unconsciously resisting ideas that appear 'impossible' at this point in time. Things like starting up a small business, doing music, social work etc. were things that crossed my mind over the past few years, but I seem to have conveniently dismissed them as unpractical, unsuitable, or worse, 'different from the path I'm currently on'. Why the heck am I studying chemical engineering if I were to go onto such paths. Clearly because you failed to plan well. Yes, I failed to be determined in furthering my interests in a certain area and to develop it into a real passion, that's why I made unwise choices. But I'm already into the second semester of my third year, it's too late to pull out now. Then again, I don't have to stupidly continue down the same path if I know that it's not what I want. I still have the chance to do something about it rather than regret it for the rest of my life.

I guess I really need to start planning for the long-term, instead of just going with the flow like I have always been. Long-term plans/goals that shouldn't be restricted to my current circumstances, because if it's something I really want to attain, I'll have to work hard for it and find means and ways to shape my circumstances into one that permits me to achieve it.

So. I have decided to come up with new year resolutions hahaha since it happens to be the right time. Not gonna write them here though, I'll just keep it with me somewhere in my room hehe.

May 2017 be an eventful and blessed year for my family and friends. Just stay healthy and happy :)

Photos were taken on the second last day of 2016, when I finally got my ass out of the house haha.

Angela Aki 手紙 ～拝啓 十五の君へ～

Even though I couldn't understand the lyrics when I first heard it, this song just had all the feels simply from the piano and vocals. I realised there's a Mandarin version of this song (which probably explains why it sounded familiar) but nahhh original is good hahaha.


Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?

I’m 15 and there’s something worrying me
That I can’t talk to anyone about

If I write a letter to my future self,
Surely I could confide truly to myself

Now it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
I'm someone who is about to disappear
What words should I trust to continue?
This heart has been shattered too many times,
though it hurts me, I live the present
Now I live the present

Dear you,
Thanks to the 15 years old you
I have something to tell you

If you keep asking yourself what and where you should be
The answer will become clear

The stormy sea of youth is hard but
A boat of dreams will take you to the edge of tomorrow

Now, don't be defeated, don't cry
When you feel like you’re going to disappear
Just believe in your own voice to keep walking
Even an adult like me gets hurt and has sleepless nights
But I'm living the bittersweet present

There's meaning to everything in life
So build your dreams without fear
Keep on believing

Now it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
I'm someone who is about to disappear
What words should I trust to continue?

Now, don't be defeated, don't cry
When you feel like you’re going to disappear
Just believe in your own voice to keep walking

No matter what stage of your life you’re in
You can’t get by without going through sadness
Show me a smile, let’s live in the present
Let’s live in the present

Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness

I almost wanted to post this photo on insta:

HAHAHA but for the sake of Nic I decided not to :P Well at least his eyes were not closed.....but not fully opened either hehehehe.

Macau 2016

Went for a short trip to Macau with my parents and relatives last week. The last time I had been to Macau was around 5 years ago? After visiting Macau twice, I'd say that both trips can be summarised in 3 words - food, casino and hotel-hopping. That's really all about it... Not that I was able to enter the casino 5 years ago though haha :p

Thought I should add some photos to this blog so here goes!

 First on the list - Egg tarts!!! ^^ It's one of the most famous shops in Macau that sells egg tarts. Crispy and the filling wasn't overly sweet, unlike most other egg tarts.

Where we got the egg tarts from. Weekdays are much less crowded than on weekends!

Macau - the Las Vegas of Asia.

(And no, I'm not promoting this casino in particular hahaha.)

Made my dad take a few snaps just to take this photo lol. Now you know where I get my poor aesthetic sense from :p

Casino time! :P Roulette all the way for 3 nights HAHAHA. It's a game of statistics all right... But I ended up with a net amount of -$20 sgd hahahaha.

My mum sitting like a kid in front of the jackpot machine ^^

Love the ambience at this traditional teahouse where we had dim sum! Featuring Mr Mao :p

Aftermath of the meal :P

Disclaimer: I did not eat all that on my own LOL.

More fooooood! These are bird's nest egg tarts. Tastes much sweeter than the regular egg tart, but I kinda liked it because they only used egg white for the filling. 

Bargaining in progress! It's a seafood place where you go and choose your seafood first then get the people to cook for you (kinda like Noryangjin market in Korea).

I swear I hate bargaining sooooo much. Felt so tired even before we could enjoy our meal omgggg.

Plenty of osyters :O

Look at that ughhh. Obviously we didn't order this lol. The label says 'sand worm' x.x

Interesting looking prawns that seemed like a mix of prawn and crayfish!

Abaloneeee

The now cooked (and eaten) osyters :p

Scallops

The last photo I have on food - Shark's fin noodles.

I know I know, the whole thing about how cruel sharks are treated just for their fins. I didn't order a portion of it myself (my cousin didn't either), but I couldn't stop anyone else from ordering. I still stole a little of it from my mum though LOL. Well, that didn't incur an additional fin right, it just meant that my mum had a little less to eat hahaha. Am I being hypocritical? Whatever... it didn't have any effect on the total amount of shark's fin that was eaten.

There weren't many places to sight-see in Macau. This was a temple that most tourists wouldn't visit, because it's not meant to be a tourist attraction, so the people there kinda didn't expect us there hahaha oh wells. My bad I was the one who found this place online. Nonetheless it was a really serene place.

Shopping street at Taipa Island.

Portuguese architecture

Night scenery

A peaceful morning :)

Statue of Guan Yin

 Hotel-hopping

Most atas toilet ever LOL

My failed attempt at a pretty photo :( Camera couldn't focus on our faces...

One of the few photos with just my parents and I :)

Group photo! Pardon my hair lol.

Hehehehehehe last two photos are for fun. Not like they will know about it :D

Ahh... I love indie music 😊

The two things that company me while I'm studying at home - music and Ruby. Hahaha although I do feel like I'm accompanying Ruby more than she is accompanying me. And I'm becoming a regular customer of Subway. I have been having it for lunch for 4 out of 5 days lol simply because it's the only reasonable food place near my house :/