Amor Fati

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Ben Folds Five - One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces

I first got to know about this song a few years back when my favourite singer covered it haha. Watch the piano parts, it's freaking crazy @.@ I went to download the piano score sheet before, but whoaaaa no way man it's way too high level LOL.

Sunday, 26 April 2015

"Love your parents. We are so busy growing up that we often forget that they are also growing old."

###Just wanted to give a heads-up that this post is something very personal about my family yups so let's keep everything here yea? :) Actually for all other posts as well haha.###

Around this time last semester my grandmother passed away. Can't believe it's so fast, it has been almost half a year.

Tomorrow we are supposed to go pray for her since it's her birthday, but my mum told me not to go if i need to study for my exams. Yea so I'm not going. I wanted to go actually, because I wanted to just show my love for her in any way I could, but I was unable to convince myself of the significance of going to pray for her. They said that she would have already reincarnated some time ago, so what's the point of doing this then? It's at the most to make ourselves feel better, or to remember her, but you don't necessarily have to do this to remember her. Idk, the whole afterlife thing is so abstract and unfounded. So yeah no point in going tomorrow. Or any subsequent ones, except major ones like the death anniversary la.

Anyway, today over dinner I had a realization that it is soon the time for the role reversals at my home. Over the past few days while I've been mugging away in school, my dad has been going for a few checkups because his blood pressure went up super high all of a sudden. Fortunately the tests turned out fine, but there wouldn't be no reason why his bp suddenly went up so high right. The doctor was also unable to give a reason though. He once did a checkup and found out that he has too much calcium that is can potentially block some blood vessel at his heart. I guess it could be because of this, but we don't know why he has excess calcium.

So now I'm really afraid that something might happen any moment since his bp is still fluctuating. I have been taking his health and the things he's been doing for us for granted. I will not know what to do if anything happens. I have not done enough for him. In fact I haven't done much for him. So please let nothing happen, not now.

As for my mum, she was mentioning over dinner about how the polyclinic nurses (she went for a checkup today) considered her as a patient with heart diesease even though she doesn't, simply because she has high bp, high cholesterol and diabetes, which puts her at high risk of a heart diesease. That's when it reminded me of the seriousness of her health. I mean, because she's had high bp and high cholesterol for as long as I can remember, her having high bp and high cholesterol didn't occur to me as being much of a concern. Then a few years back she became diabetic,which I knew was bad and it was also kinda expected because of heriditary,but I thought that this was already the worst scenario. I never considered that it could further escalate into a heart diesease, which is even scarier since it can happen unexpectedly.

Yeah so now I'm worried about my parent's health. Perhaps it's time for us to be the ones taking care and worry over them. I'm gonna cherish them even more from now and not leave any regrets.

Can't believe I cried while typing this hah. Emotional kid. What a post to be writing in middle of finals.

Stay healthy guys. Love your family and me. Haha i kid. Love your family and friends, above everything else.

Thursday, 23 April 2015

I AM SHO TIREDZ. Sorry friends if you realise that I've not been talking during meal times, it's just that I'm too tired to talk haha. Talking takes up way too much energy. To be more exact I'd say that listening is too energy consuming cuz you have to THINK in order to be listening. I just need my brain to blank out during meal time for it to take a break. Nothing in, nothing out.

Freak man I hate finals. Can't believe we have to go through this another 6 times kmn. Keep wanting to curse these days lol die it's becoming a bad habit. Nonono. I must contain the devil in me.

Feeling damnnnn screwed haha. Crappy dooloooloooloolololo.

Saturday, 18 April 2015

Just watched a rather disturbing video on FB that some guy shared. It's a Japanese variety show or something. Shall not go into details but to put it simply, I don't really like how they sexualised women like wtf. I like Japan and their culture, but definitely not this culture. Full of MCPs zzz.