May you be in a better world with your God

You had been a really brave and positive person during the last couple of months. Looking back, it probably was a right decision to not let you know about the number of days you had left as estimated by the doctor; turns out that you lived longer than that. Eventually as your condition deteriorated over the weeks, I guess you became aware about the situation even without anyone telling it to you explicitly.

I visited you about 3 or 4 times during this period of time and each time I went, your condition had clearly worsened from the previous visit. The last time I saw you was just 3 days ago. You were unable to speak by then and couldn't even open your eyes probably because of the heavy dosage of Morphine. It was really sad seeing you just lie there, not being able to respond to the people around you (I believe that you were able to hear us talking). I knew I would never be able to hear your voice again. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I was in that position. Frustrated? Useless?

I wanted to talk to you since it was probably the last time I could do so, but as usual I didn't know how to show my affection well, especially since we weren't very close. Still, I really enjoyed talking to you because you gave off a very warm vibe. It almost didn't feel like you were my aunt (my mum's cousin in fact). You were very dedicated in taking care of your mother for many years until she passed away two years ago and that was something I really respected you for. It's a pity you didn't much time to spend more time on yourself, before you were aware of your illness. I remember my mum saying that she asked if you had any dying wishes/things to let go off and what you said was that being unmarried, there weren't many things you had to worry about, but you felt regretful for being unable to spend more time with your sister (who is also unmarried and they took care of their mother together). Even when you were terminally ill, you were considerate and put others before yourself.

Why do many good/nice people usually end up dying early? WHY. This is something I can never understand.

Once again, what is left are just memories. But what the hell are memories? They are just something that you could end up easily losing in the future.

I realised that the thing that I miss most from people that I have lost is their laughter. Whenever I think of them, I recall hearing their laughter; something that is very distinct of each and every person, which makes it all the more precious. (p.s. I really really miss my grandma's cute laughter.)

Hope that you are in a better place right now. RIP.

-

Don't worry guys, I'm fine. Just penning down my thoughts over this period of time.

Younha - 널 생각해 (Chinese sub)

Hurhur always loving her voice <3 This song really really suits her voice!
But I find the rap part a little out of place :/

ONE OK ROCK - A Thousand Miles (Cover)

Just look at the size of the crowd! :O

ONE OK ROCK - Last Dance

Is this our Last Dance?
Can we take another chance?
To be,
Alone, together still...
Are we wasting time?
Chasing dreams,
Not yours or mine
Care, for you,
I always will

OMG I just know about an upcoming One Ok Rock performance in Singapore next yr Jan!!! :OOOOO

ANYONE WANTS TO GO WITH ME HEHE. Early bird ticket sales till end of this month at $98. It's at Fort Canning Park.

omgggggggggggggggg

I was scrolling through my mum's fb timeline (ya ya I stalking my mum can haha) and read through some of her friend's comments on our family photos, then I started getting all emotional :P Many of the comments were about how we're a happy family, which made me ponder about it. Sure, social media tends to over-represent the joy in one's life, but such posts also remind us of the bright side of life despite all the adversities we face. I have been taking many things for granted I guess. So when I saw the comments made by my mum's friends, I realised that yeah, I have been very blessed.

I am so so so grateful to my parents for everything thus far. Though we may still have some disputes every now and then, it's precisely because we're family members that's why we can speak freely and quarrel, yet patch up in a short while. Of course, most of the time my parents are the ones giving in oops. When I saw one of the fb photo with only my parents in it (holding hands hehe), it made me tear up, idk why haha. I guess this is another one of those emotional nights ^^; Anyway, over the past weekend my sis was rushing for her project, which she spent days and nights working on, and my parents even ended up helping her with cutting newspapers and sticking them onto the mould. It's at times like this that remind me that they have and will always be there for us, supporting us in whichever means even if it means going out of the way or sacrificing their weekend nap time.

I'm sorry if this post sounds cheesy hahaha I'll probably cringe if I were to read this again next time, but yea it's my feelings for tonight. Once in a while I will feel emotional like this HAHA.

Nell - Star Shell MV